How to Help Loved Ones Cope with Grief and Loss During the Holidays
The holidays are upon us, and this year it is extremely different for our family and me. These are the first significant holidays without my momma. It still seems surreal that she is no longer a phone call away or coming to my home for Christmas. Along with the holidays comes a whole wave new of emotions as we learn to cope with our grief and the loss of our loved one.
Family and friends have been loving and kind and asked what they can do to help bring comfort during the holiday season. In helping us cope with the grief and loss of our loved one I thought I would share some insights into what I am learning through this process.
Some Things are Better Left Unsaid
People have good intentions, but I have learned through grieving there are some things are better left unsaid. I realize people mean well, but the sting from these words can make the loss more difficult. Here are some examples.
Your momma is in a better place. I know my momma is in a better place, but it doesn’t make the pain of missing her any easier.
She isn’t suffering. Yes, she isn’t suffering anymore, and no one knows that more than those of us who were caring for her.
Has your momma been gone that long? Trust me when I say every day feels likes an eternity since I have seen or spoken to her.
Your mom wouldn’t want you to be sad.No, she doesn’t want me to be sad, but she knew that grief is a process that is personal and can’t be rushed through.
I don’t want you to avoid the subject of my momma’s death but think about the impact of your words. The lesson I have learned is don’t say anything to someone you wouldn’t want to be said to you.
Share Your Favorite Pictures and Memories
One of the best gifts you can give to me during this holiday season is your favorite memory of my momma. I love hearing your stories and memories about her. It helps me to cope with the grief and loss because it heals in a way that shows you love and miss her too. Pictures are wonderful because it captures momma and her essence with you. Chances are I may have never even seen the picture. What a treasure to see photos of her that others have captured.
Tears are Healing
You may see me more teary-eyed than usual this year. Let’s face it for those who know me I cry over Hallmark commercials. Don’t feel bad or try to fix them. Just hand me a Kleenex. My momma used to say, “A good cry is healthy for the soul.” She was right! My tears are for many things this year. Life has been filled with happy and sad memories over the past few months. I’m going to be okay, but I’m processing one of the most significant losses of my lifetime. My tears are good because they are helping me to cope with my grief.
Lend Me Your Ear
One of the best expressions of demonstrating love can be merely listening. Share on XOne of the best expressions of demonstrating love can be merely listening. There are times I need to talk about my momma. I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable or make you come up with some astounding advice to make me feel better. I just need you to listen. There is an influx of emotions going on, and as I push through my sorrow and grief and learn my new normal, it is good to have people who will listen without judgment.
Please Don’t Be Offended if I Say No
No one loved to have a good time more than my momma. If there was a party, she wanted to be invited! I am right there with her! I love being asked to do things too. However, if you invite me to do something with you this year and I say, “No” please don’t be offended. I know myself and my limitations. If I decline, it is for a good reason, but I want you to know I am very grateful for your invitation.
Prayer is a Gift that Keeps Giving
Prayer is what sustained me while momma was preparing for heaven and your prayers are what will continue to help me cope with her loss. I am thankful for your prayers on our family’s behalf. Prayer has provided us with strength, comfort, and peace. Don’t quit praying for us. We need them more than ever as we walk this journey of firsts. Your prayers are a gift to my soul, and for my family going through this process, I can assure you they are precious. It is because of your prayers we have been able to cope with the grief and loss of our loved one from the very beginning.
Love is All We Need
The holidays are difficult, but sharing your love is what our family needs as we continue to cope with our grief. We don’t know what to expect in this season of firsts, but it is a beautiful thing to remember we don’t have to do it by ourselves. We are thankful for the people who have and continue to surround and shower us with love in different ways. For me, a hug is a beautiful thing! My momma was a hugger so when you embrace me it is like momma sending a hug from heaven.
At some point in our lives, we all suffer loss. If you have suffered a loss and are going through a season of firsts, I am genuinely sorry. Do you have any insight that needs to be added to this list? I would love your insights! We can all gain valuable wisdom from one another.
For those who are walking with those who are grieving during this holiday season, I pray these words will help you as you navigate with your friends and loved ones. I’ve shared from my experience, but the best advice is to love like Jesus loves.
There is a Season
King Solomon in his old age talked about the futility of life and about everything for which there is a season. On earth seasons come and go, life begins and ends and there is a time to mourn and dance. There is no better way to cope with the grief and loss of our loved one than to accept God has a time for everything and everything is in God’s hands.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NLT)
A Time for Everything
For everything, there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
Right after my mother (whom I was caregiver to for the last 5 years of her life) passed, my dearest friend came to visit with me and he quoted Ecc. 7:12, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.”
It was such a blessing to have people who took time out of their lives to sit with and comfort me. Some did so in silence, some did so in service, it was just nice. I do hope God has comforted your soul. It doesn’t stop hurting, but it does begin to hurt less eventually.
Hi, Marta!
This is beautiful. It is true there is something special about being still in the midst of our chaos. Thank You for sharing your heart with me my friend.
A much needed post. Thanks for writing!
Hi, Marya!
Thanks for your encouragement. Unfortunately, we will or have gone through loss and my heart is to help others.
I’ve never really known how to address someone in their loss. All I can do is pray and be a listening ear. This post is confirmation that it’s all that I really can do. I think sometimes we feel the need to fix the situation rather than simply be a comforting presence. Maybe we feel just being there is not enough. Thank you for sharing.
Hi, Jen!
It is hard to know what to do. You are right though just listening and being there is a great comfort. You can’t fix the loss no matter how hard you try, but you can comfort with your presence.
Beautifully said, and thoughtful advice to share.
Hi, Raina!
I appreciate your kind words and I pray the advice is helpful to many.
I love this so much, and couldn’t agree more! Really awesome!
Thanks, Jehava for your encouragement!
Thank for so much for sharing this- loss can be a hard thing to navigate. Sometimes as outsiders it can be hard to know the right things to say and do. This post is so helpful
Hi, Ryann
I’m glad you found this post helpful. A loss is hard, but together we can make it better for each other.
Sheila, I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand everything you shared here. I pray you will be able to feel Jesus’ presence strongly this Christmas. Sending hugs your way sweet sister!
Hi, Donna!
Thank You so much for the love. It means so much. I am feeling His presence because of people like you who send hugs! I am grateful!
Really difficult topic, but super important. Thank you so much for sharing! Especially during the holidays when people feel it sharply.
Hi, Megan!
It is a hard topic, but I believe the more we talk about it the easier it becomes for everyone. Thank You for your encouragement!
I loved reading this – my mother recently lost my Grandma and I know she’ll be having a really difficult time 🙁
Hi, Corrine!
Grief is hard! I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for your mom and your family as you navigate through this difficult time.
This is such a wonderful way to help someone cope with a loss. Thank you for sharing this!
Hi, Cassie!
Thank You for your encouragement! I pray it helps others to understand.
This is beautiful and what an incredible message to share with others. This is not an easy time of year for sure if you have lost a loved one.
Hi, Nicole!
Thank You for your kind and beautiful words! I appreciate them so very much. It isn’t easy, but my heart is to help those who are walking the journey with others. Many blessings to you!
Such a tough topic as really everyone responds differently. When my dad passed I needed to hear a few of the things that people didn’t like to hear, and in week moments I wanted to shun the world cause I needed to cry it all out. This was a great read.
Hi, Zaibel!
I am very sorry for your loss. Grief is so different for everyone. It is a tough topic, but I believe the more we talk and share our experiences the better we can help others in their time of need.
I will never forget when someone told me that all they needed when they lost someone was someone just to sit in the quiet with them and just be. But no one would do that. If they couldn’t talk or listen, they didn’t feel needed. I know this Christmas will be especially hard for you, Sheila. Praying for you today.
Hi, Heather!
Yes, it is a beautiful thing. I know the Jewish tradition of shiva is exactly that! Sitting and being quiet with someone. It is a week long period of mourning. Thank you for your prayers Heather. I appreciate you so much!
The holidays are definitely hard for those who are grieving. My dad died eight years ago and I still struggle with his loss over the holidays.
Hi, Amanda!
I am truly sorry for your loss. They say time heals the heart, but I am not sure I am feeling that at all. I can’t imagine what 8 years feels like for you. Sending hugs and prayers of comfort to you.
This year is already so hard… I lost my best friend and every celebration brings back the memory that I can’t just call her or text her. I’m not enjoying the season. And I don’t want to bring others down by talking about it or crying…
Hi, Tiffany!
Oh my sweet friend, I am sorry for your loss. It is a hard time of year, but know you are not alone. I’m here if you want to talk and know you and I can cry together. I’m praying for you and asking God to bring His peace and comfort to you.
The holidays are always tough when you are missing someone who had always brought so much joy. It’s been five years since my brother passed away and it’s still tough.
Hi, Jori!
Yes, the holidays are tough. I am very sorry about your loss. It is good we have our memories to hold on to and help us through the holidays. Praying for God to wrap His arms around you and hold you close and comfort you.
These are perfect. I especially love sharing memories and good times. Those are healing moments for everybody. Thanks for Being the Sparkle. 😉 May the Lord be with you and wrap His arms around you this season.
Hi, Susan!
Thank You for you sweet and kind words. Memories are precious and healing. I’m going to take that hug and enjoy every minute ot it. Thanks for being my sparkle 🙂
I haven’t lost anyone really but my husband has lost both of his parents and a sister. People try to say some of the things you mentioned and he doesn’t find them helpful either. Thanks for the ideas of how to make him feel better during the holiday season.
Hi, Kathleen!
I am sorry for your losses. I’m glad my words can help in such a difficult time. God Bless You and your family will be in my prayers as you go through the holidays.
Crying with someone or telling a wonderful memory is wonderful when you are missing someone who has passed away.
Hi, Susan!
Crying is a good thing! My momma used to say tears were God’s way of cleansing the soul. I believe it, but apparently I am not done cleaning. Thank You for your insights!
Thank-you so much for sharing this. As a society we are so uncomfortable with grief; jr seems we are always trying to make it better and sometimes that intention isnt what is needed. Great suggestions.
Hi, Meredith!
I agree our society is very uncomfortable with grief, probably because the concept of death is so hard. I know from my own experience that it feels like people want you to rush through grief, but you can’t and that is what makes others feel uncomfortable. I’m glad the suggestions will help you when you are faced with that situation. Blessings to you!
This is so thoughtful, I am often unsure what to say to those who are grieving. but it’s comforting to know that just listening is enough.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. It sounds like you’re doing a great job taking time to heal and to process. Praying for you, friend!
Hi, Julie!
Thanks for your sweet words. Healing is a process and there are days it feels like the band-aid is being ripped off, but every day His mercies are new! Blessings to you sweet friend!
Your place in space this year hits home with me, too. Our church lost a loving, involved family man in an instant just a couple months ago, and I think about what I am going to say to the family every time I am around them. I don’t want to seem callous, or say things that really can’t help the family. Thank you for sharing other things that can help the grieving ones.
Hi, Janene!
I am very sorry for your loss. It is never easy, but I know God will give you the words to say or actions to do when needed. Thank you for sharing your authentic heart and I hope the suggestions help you when needed. Praying for this family and for you as you minister to them.
I totally agree with you about thinking about what you would want to be said to yourself before saying anything to that person. So far my grandparents are the biggest loss in my life. When it happened I realized that people often don’t know what to say and so you have to be patient. I used to not say anything to someone who was going through a loss. But then when it happened to me I realized I appreciated the words of those around me. Even if they fumbled and said a few awkward things, I knew they cared enough to say something. To let me know they were there to support me.
Hi, Theresa!
You are right many times they don’t know what to say and that is okay too! I am sorry for your losses. Grandparents are special for sure. Praying for you as you go through the holidays and asking God to give you sweet memories which bring happiness, joy and peace.
This is just precious Sheila. Thank you. Have a heart of gold. Pure gold.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Hi, Cathy!
Thinking of you, praying for you and asking God to give you special blessings. Love you friend!
This post is a great reminder to be compassionate to those who have lost someone. Holidays can be hard, so I know this post will help many people.
Hi, Catherine!
Compassion can go a long ways in helping hurting people whether it is death or another life change. My prayer is it will spur compassion in other’s hearts to help them as they help others during the holidays. Thanks for your encouragement!
All great ways to show compassion to someone going through loss.
Thanks Aditi for your words of encouragement. I pray they do help others.