My heart aches. My head hurts from what seems like an endless supply of tears falling unprompted from my eyes. I feel nauseous all the time. I don’t know what to do with all these emotions which have me on a roller coaster. I’m hanging on tight to Jesus, but my life has changed forever. I’m experiencing death like I never have before. She was with me when I took my first breath, and I had the honor of being with her when she took her last breath. The beautiful woman who gave me life no longer has her earthly life, but I will forever be looking for the sparkle in the sky.
Momma, I love You
Just an hour earlier, her hospice nurse Trish and I had bathed her, put on a new nightgown, applied her lipstick and sprayed her Charlie perfume. She looked peaceful and beautiful. As I stood at the foot of her bed, I said: “Momma, you look beautiful and I love you so much!” I watched her chest go up and down one last time and knew she had entered heaven where Jesus was waiting for her. They say in death, the last sense to stop working is hearing. I pray that is true and she heard my words.
Momma was Fearless
Momma was the bravest person I know. My momma battled many things in her life and was a fighter until the very end. She was a two-time breast cancer survivor. She had her thyroid gland killed by radiation. But, in the end, it was bladder cancer that took her life. She was diagnosed in January and chose not to have any treatment. Cancer had metastasized to her lungs, pelvis, and abdomen and the doctors couldn’t guarantee her any more time with treatment. At this point, she was done with hospital visits and doctors. She wanted to live out her remaining days doing the things she wanted to do and seeing the people she chose to see.
The Gift of Goodbye
The last six months of her life were a gift to all of us. There aren’t many people who get the opportunity to express their love, share memories, hold each other tight and say the things they want to say to one another. We cried we laughed, we talked about heaven and she shared her feelings. It is one thing to know you are going to die someday, but another to KNOW you are dying. Share on XIt is one thing to know you are going to die someday, but another to KNOW you are dying. She was sad. However, she was never sad about going to heaven, but because she was leaving us behind. Even in her death, it wasn’t about her, it was about us.
Momma was The Real Deal
I’m blessed because I know there are many who do not have a momma like mine. My momma always expressed how she felt whether you liked it or not. You always knew where you stood with her. Some people would say she had a very limited filter, but others would say she was always authentic and honest and dared to speak what others wouldn’t. The beautiful thing about my momma is that she never wanted to change who we were, but always encouraged us to follow our dreams.
Dollyisms
Momma had many words of wisdom she would share with me that I called Dollyisms. She was a wise woman who constantly kept me on the edge of my seat and left me laughing. Mom had an adventurous spirit, always thinking up new things to do. She was always up for an adventure! I was always amazed at her incredible green thumb and how could bring dead plants back to life. She had an eye for the person who needed a friend. My mom would often say, “A stranger is a friend I haven’t met yet.” It became obvious to me at my momma’s funeral how true that was. The visitation line was long and kept coming. There were many people I didn’t know who came to pay their respects to my momma because she had impacted their life in a profound way by reaching out to them.
Even in life, my momma was larger than life. She may have been 5 foot nothing, but she stood out from the crowd. She turned the bad things in her life into lessons for those who needed to know they were not alone and reminded people that God would help them get through anything. Growing up, my momma didn’t have a great childhood, so she chose to give my brother and I the best one she could. As a child, I was never bored because my momma taught us to use our imaginations. They could take us anywhere and we could be anything we wanted to be. Plus, it never cost us a dime.
The Voice of an Angel
Momma had the voice of an angel. At a young age, momma gave us the gift of music. She taught us how to harmonize and we would sing for hours. We had a band called the “In Betweens” because we were all in various stages of ages. She taught us to always keep a song in our hearts. She never read a note but could hear something once and play it like she had known it all her life.
I can harmonize with anyone, but I was never able to pick up and play an instrument as she could. In her younger years, she even sang backup for the late Kitty Wells. My momma loved music of all genres. Her latest favorite song was Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You” because it had a good dance beat. Oh, yes my momma loved to dance and she could really shake it up on a dance floor. I’m positive the sparkle I see in the sky is momma getting her groove on!
Breaking a Generational Curse
Did my momma and I always get along? No! But we never stayed mad at one another. I believe the longest time we didn’t speak to each other was one day. Honestly, it would break both our hearts if either of us thought the other was mad or upset with us. My momma also gave me a great gift. My momma broke a generational curse of mothers and daughters who did not get along. Her mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother ending up having horrible relationships with their daughters, my momma included in that group. However, Momma refused to allow that curse to continue. She fought to make her mother’s and her relationship better, but in the end my grandmother chose to continue the curse. I’m thankful for a momma who chose to love God and me more than herself.
The Reality of Death
The reality of her death is settling in and I’m struggling to find a new normal. Wait, nothing is ever going to be normal on this earth for me again. Who am I trying to kid? She is truly irreplaceable. No one can ever replace her in my life, but I am grateful for my spiritual sisters who surround me and will continue to cover me as I grieve this enormous loss. Her spirit, love, and tenacity for life will live in my heart and those who love her forever. My momma always inspired me to look for the Jesus moments in life because Jesus is everywhere even in the darkest of days. Every day there are lessons to be learned if we are willing to listen. Her sparkle may have been a short 75 years on earth, but now it will last for an eternity.
Until we are together again, Momma, keep shining down like the bright star you will forever be so when I’m looking for the sparkle in the sky I know it will be you smiling down on all of us.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Sheila! What a testimony to the woman your mom was to share such great things about her. It’s been fun to read about her.
Hi Julie!
Thank You for your kind words. It was an honor to be her daughter. She truly was the sparkle that inspired me. 🙂
Sheila, I know I commented before on this, but I wanted to add something as well. When my dad passed away, I had this strange feeling of emptiness. For the first year I walked around in a fog. Sometimes the fog would clear and I’d feel a little better and then it would consume me again, and I would be back to that feeling of emptiness. Grief is hard, but it is a process. It takes time…a long time. Just a few days ago we found out a couple that used to be in our small group had gone through the tragedy of the husband (dad of two preteen boys) collapsing and dying while on vacation. My heart goes out to them. You and I know the grief of losing our parents, but I can’t imagine being that young and losing one. You are not alone, dear friend! – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
Thank You Amy! It certainly does come in waves, but in the midst of the waves of sadness I know it is God who keeps bringing me back to the surface to catch my breath. I am so very sorry to hear of this tragedy. I will be praying for your friend and their children. It is good to know we are never alone in our grief or sorrow because of Jesus and wonderful friends like you. Blessings to you my sweet friend!
What a beautiful tribut to your sweet mother. She was a very special lady who raised a very special lady. She will never be forgotten. She touched so many lives with her witt and wisdom. Love you my friend.
Hi, Dorothy!
Thank You! She really was a special lady loved by many, but I was blessed to call her mom. What a gift we had in our mothers! Love and blessings to you!
Sheila, I am so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. You wrote a beautiful post in her memory. Thank you for sharing your sorrow and your love for your wonderful mom! Hugs. – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
Hi, Amy!
Thank You my dear friend. She was beautiful inside and out. She truly was the bravest person I know. She was a fashionista like you! Always styling! Always sparkling! Many Blessings to you!
Such a beautiful tribute to a wonderful woman. <3
Hi, Veronika!
Thank You! I could have wrote a million words and still have not done her justice. She was simply amazing 🙂
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss! Your mother sounds like an amazing, strong woman. This was such a great way to honor your mama!
Hi, Amber!
Thank You! She was an amazing woman with so much spunk! I miss her so much, but I know she is in a much better place and no longer suffering.
What a beautiful tribute to your Mother. I loved hearing all about her and what she meant to you.
Hi, Sharon!
Thank You for taking time to read about my mom. She truly meant the world to me. She was the sparkle in my eye 🙂
Sheila you honor your mother.
You honor Jesus.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank You Cathy! My heart is to always honor Jesus! Without Him I am nothing! Love you friend!
Thank you for sharing about your mother with us. I am sorry for your loss and glad you’re clinging to the Lord at this time because He can truly give you peace and healing!
Hi, Jazz!
Thank You for your kind words. I’m thankful to God for giving me a beautiful momma and for providing for me spiritually ,emotionally and physically. He is the HEALER of all things!
Beautiful testament for a beautiful woman. My heart is heavy for yours but holding you up in prayer. I love you, Sistah!!!
Oh My Sweet Sistah!
I love you so very much! My heart aches, but I know she is in such a better place with no pain or suffering. I couldn’t ask her to stay with all of her challenges. I will miss her until I see her again, but she is forever embedded within my heart. Thank You for praying for me. I feel your prayers!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can definitely relate. I lost my Nana, who was more of a Mother to me and I still cry about it, even though it was almost 2 years ago.
Hi, Heather!
It is amazing the impact people have on our lives. My mom will live on forever in my heart. There wasn’t a day that went by when he was alive that I didn’t think of her and now it is even more. I miss talking to her face to face or on the phone. I can’t imagine what 2 years will feel like. Praying for you too!
So sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman! Yes, her sparkle will definitely last a life time. Treasure your memories! Hugs to you!
Hi, Gina!
Thank You for your sympathy. She really was an amazing woman. It is hard to sum up all your feeling in one post. I’m sure there will be others. Every time I see a sparkle I think of her. Hugs back to you!
I’m so sorry for your loss, death is such a bitter shock to the senses. I lost my grandfather almost 4yrs now and it still feels like it was y’day.
Hi, Chioma,
I am sorry for your loss as well. Life can be hard especially when we lose someone we love so much. It doesn’t matter how long we prepare it does always come as a shock when they leave us for heaven. Blessings to you!
Your mom was beautiful and I’m glad you got to be with her as she passed. This is a wonderful tribute!
Hi, Jenni!
As hard as it was to watch her leave us I wouldn’t have chosen anywhere else to be, but with her. She was a beauty!
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful tribute to your mother!
Thank You for your kind words. She truly is irreplaceable.
Dearest Sheila,
Such a beautiful testimony of a woman of God with a luster for life!
May our loving Savior envelope you in His tender arms as you continue rising out of the grief of losing your loving Momma. <3
Loving you my friend!
Dearest Toni,
Thank You my beautiful friend for your kind words. She really was one of a kind. I’m very thankful for my God who comforts my heart through precious friends. Love you!