As Thanksgiving approaches, I can’t help but think of those who have lost loved ones in the natural disasters of this year or due to the senseless and heinous crimes of evil people. This doesn’t even include those who have lost loved ones due to accidents, illnesses or natural death. There will be empty spaces around the table, and I’m sure lots of tears as people begin to experience the year of “firsts.”
Thanksgiving is a time which draws people together to celebrate their blessings and thank God for all He has provided. But, what do you do when you are not feeling very blessed or thankful? It is hard to feel thankful when your world has been turned upside down, and your grief is overwhelming. The sting of death has left a hole, and nothing anybody can say or do will bring back a loved one.
There are things we can do to help. Doing these things won’t take all the pain away, but they can help to ease the discomfort of the loss. We can’t sweep situations under the rug and pretend nothing is different because it is a holiday. We need to allow people to grieve through the holiday so that healing can begin. Acknowledging and sharing memories of loved ones are important. Reflecting on a person’s life and how they impacted our lives honors the person and recognizes although the person may not be here now, who they are to you is not forgotten.
I wish there were a magic wand to make all the pain go away for those who are hurting, but grief is a process. Be ready and waiting with your arms open wide to love on those who need an extra hug. Thanksgiving will be a hard day for many, but it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the things you are grateful for.
Don’t be afraid to laugh. It is healthy to remember the good times. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.” (MSG) It is true. Being emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted will make you ache in your bones.
If we are only thankful when everything is good in our lives, we never risk fully comprehending how grateful we truly are for the people we have in our lives and the blessings we have been given. Share on XIf we are only thankful when everything is good in our lives, we never risk fully comprehending how grateful we truly are for the people we have in our lives and the blessings we have been given. The loss of a loved one is always hard, but with our love, encouragement, and support we can help those who need us the most.
Don’t let the fear of not knowing what to say keep you from saying anything. Sometimes, all a person needs is for someone to say “I’m here if you need anything” or “If you ever want to talk I will listen.” Other times they might just need to hold your hand. Simple acts of kindness can speak volumes.
Don’t be offended if they don’t respond. Remember, chances are they are still processing their loss, and what life looks like without their loved one being here. Behave normally and don’t place all the focus on those who are grieving.
Nothing is normal for those who have just lost loved ones, but they are in the process of finding a new “normal” in which they can find peace, rest and comfort knowing the pain won’t always be as raw as it is at this moment.
The best thing we can do is to pray, love and open our hearts and allow Jesus to use our hands and feet to demonstrate His love to the hurting and thank the Lord for the opportunity to help those in need.
Horatio Spafford was a Chicago lawyer and businessman. In 1873, two years after losing his young son to pneumonia and many of his investments in the Great Chicago Fire, Horatio sent his wife Anna and four daughters ahead on a vacation to England. He was going to join them after he finished some business. The ship on which his family was sailing sank in the Atlantic after colliding with another ship. Horatio received a telegram back from his wife saying, “Saved Alone, What Shall I Do?” Although grief was not new to Horatio, I can’t imagine the horrific sorrow he must have been carrying as he sailed to meet his wife in Europe. As the story goes, the captain of the ship came to Horatio and told him when they were sailing over the spot where his daughters drowned. It was during this voyage that Horatio penned the words to the well-known hymn “It is Well with My Soul.”
Each of us never knows how we are going to handle grief, sorrow or the tragedies of life when we are forced to face them. I have not lost five children, but I have experienced some losses that have shaken me to my core. Every time God has reached out through the hands and feet of others who demonstrated God’s profound love. For those who are hurting, allow others to comfort you in the same way you would want to comfort them.
May the words of this song give you peace and rest for your aching and weary soul.
“It is Well with My Soul” – Horatio G. Spafford/Philip Bliss (Public Domain)
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
For all those who have experienced loss, my prayer for you is that God would comfort you in unexpected and profound ways and make it well with your soul.
That song is my favorite song ever. Being thankful regardless of our circumstances is what brings true joy. Thanks for sharing this real yet encouraging post.
xoxo,
Angelle
www. dashingdarlin.com
Hi, Angelle!
You are right being thankful despite our circumstances teaches us the beauty of our life with Christ!
I knew the writer of it is well had suffered a great loss but did not realize that was his story.
Hi, Kristi!
It is amazing how God gives each of us a story to share to bring honor and glory to His name. Even in the midst of such great sorrow and pain, God brings good out of it.
Excellent post, holidays can be hard so this is a good reminder.
Hi, Cynna!
Yes, they can be hard, but we can make them better! Thanks for your encouraging words! Happy Thanksgiving!
The Holidays can be hard for those going through tough times! I think it’s important we pray for those people this time of year!
Hi, Julie!
You are right about praying for people! Prayer is the healing balm of Gilead!
As a mama who has lost a child, this is encouraging to read. When we suffer loss, it can be difficult to navigate holidays, etc., because one of the biggest comforts is knowing that those we have lost made an impact and are remembered. Blessings to you this holiday season.
Hi, Merry!
I am so sorry for your hurt…I’m a mama who has lost a child too. I agree recognizing that however long they were with us there is always an impact on our lives of those who have gone before us. Blessings and love back to you.
Tears.😢😢😢 Thank you for sharing. Friends of ours recently lost their son and I think of years ago when my mom had passed away. The holidays are tough. Thank you for your advice.
Hi, Sasha!
Hugs to you dear one! A loss is never easy, but love helps soothe our wounds. Blessings to you and your family!
The holidays are certainly a time of all sorts of triggers. Thank you for the timely post.
Hi, Alice!
Yes, holidays can be a trigger for lots of emotions, but God can bring peace and comfort through each of us if we are willing to share. Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving!
Such a beautiful post. The holidays can be so bittersweet for so many. It is important to be a comfort and a support to others in all situations.
Hi, Melissa!
Thank You for your kinds words and I agree with you comfort and support can be life changing! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!
Well said my friend, well said.
Hi, Toni!
Happy Thanksgiving my beautiful friend! May His Joy be yours and abundant blessings!
As my family will be facing our first holiday season after the tragic loss of my Uncle, I greatly appreciate this list! It is helpful, even for me because I don’t fully know how to handle it. Thank you for writing this!
Hannah,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you discover a new “normal”. May your memories be sweet and laughter fill your hearts as you share about your Uncle. It is good to be together to share your thoughts. Blessings to all of you!
I like your point of not being afraid of saying something even if you don’t know what to say. I struggle with this one!
Emily,
It is okay, to be honest, and tell them you don’t know what to say, but that you care. I have learned that sometimes less is more. Happy Thanksgiving!
Beautiful. My sister lost her hubby almost three yrs ago and she’s still grieving.
Hi, Teani,
Grief is a hard thing. It is one of those things you can never tell anyone how long to grieve. However, it can become unhealthy and this is where friends and family may have to step in and help. Counseling is a vital tool in going through grief and the support, encouragement, and love of others. Praying for your sister, you and your family as you continue to navigate this process. Blessings to all of you!
We are here for our trial and we have to have both good and bad experiences. Decisions need to be made and hopefully we make the good decisions. We mourn for those who are gone because we miss them
I can’t imagine having an empty seat at the table. I am so grateful that even though we are going through difficult times right now, all the seats are filled.
Susan,
I’m looking forward to the day in heaven when we all sit around at the wedding feast with Jesus where there are no more tears, but rejoicing!
Sheila, this was amazing. As you know my sister lost her 27 year old granddaughter less than 2 months ago. Still no cause of death. Lots of questions but “It can be well with her soul” because of her faith.
Hi, Cindy,
Thank You for your sweet words. I will be remembering your sister and brother-in-law and the rest of the family in prayer. Praise the Lord they have a strong faith which makes it well with their souls. I can’t begin to know how they feel, but I know God does. Happy Thanksgiving beautiful friend! I love you!