Dear Parent of a Teenager,
I know it can seem like you are at the very end of your rope, but hang on. Life can be complicated, and it is hard for a teenager to figure it all out. But, they are trying. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. They are VERY trying!
Remember, the world isn’t what it was when you were growing up. Sure, you had issues, but not like today. Today's teenagers are living in a new world which is purposely sabotaging them. Share on XToday’s teenagers are living in a new world which is purposely sabotaging them. Life is throwing so much junk at them, and they don’t know who or what to believe. What was once the truth is no longer truth. There is a new normal. Remember, teenagers feel awkward enough trying to fit in, let alone deal with the emotional mayhem of transitioning from tween to teen. They don’t always do everything right the first time around. Or the second. Be patient with them. You may have to tell them five times to do something. It is a phase. Do them a favor. Set up boundaries and keep them, for their sake and yours.
I used to think my child needed me most when she was a baby, but I look at that differently now. I think our involvement during the teenage years is critical. Why? Because teenagers are so easily influenced by the media, their peers, music, fashion, and social media. Because they desperately want to belong. They are vulnerable and easy targets for predators. They are almost old enough to stand on their own, but they don’t always understand that everyone can’t be trusted to have their best interest at heart.
Sometimes belonging means they will find themselves falling into the wrong crowd. No parent wants to go through that heartache, but it may happen. They may seem like they don’t want to talk or they don’t want you to care, but it isn’t true. They will press you and test you, but deep down they do appreciate the boundaries you have set for them.
Make time for conversation. Ask them questions about what is going on in their lives. Just remember, you are their parent, not their best friend. Don’t try to be their best friend because you think they will like you better. Your status is higher and much more important than a best friend. You have earned the title of Mom or Dad, so use that status to influence your teenagers for good.
Go with your gut! If you feel like something is going on, follow-up with it. If they have a cell phone or are on social media, check their accounts. Don’t be afraid of checking their computer history. You own the computer. It isn’t spying when you are their parent. It is called good parenting. Take time to get to know their friends. Have them hang out at your house. Is it inconvenient? Yes, sometimes it will be, but at least you know where they are and what they are doing.
Teenagers are full of raging hormones and emotions. Their bodies are changing, and their minds are racing. There are days they will be angry with you for no apparent reason other than the fact you exist. Don’t take it personally. If you thought the word, “No” was a big deal when they were two or three, wait until they are thirteen through seventeen. Hell hath no fury like a teenager scorned. It is okay for you to be “uncool.” I promise you there will be a day when you will be “cool” again.
Don’t assume anything. We know what that does. If your teenager says they are doing something with a friend and their parents, say it is okay, but check with the parents. I’m not saying every teenager is evil, or can’t be trusted. I’m saying do your homework.
Teenagers need to know no matter what, they have a safe place to come back to after they have made a mistake. This doesn’t mean there aren’t repercussions for their actions, but every mistake can be a teaching moment for you and them. I’m sure we can all remember a time or two when we were teenagers and did something stupid. Be honest with your teen. Let them know you weren’t perfect either and there were some lessons you had to learn the hard way too.
Choose your battles wisely. If your teenager comes home and asks if they can dye their hair blue, don’t make a big deal of it. If that is the worst thing they ever want to do, that is a win!
Don’t forget to laugh with your teenagers. Laughter is the best medicine. It heals the soul from the inside out. Do it often!
Watching your child navigate the teenage years can also be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. There is something very fascinating about watching your child turning into an adult right before your eyes. Just when you thought you knew nothing about parenting, you catch that glimpse of hope that maybe you weren’t doing such a bad job after all. It is interesting to listen to their opinions and see the world through their eyes. Often it will give you a perspective you have never thought of before.
Tell them you love them a lot. Oh, they may cringe and complain, but they won’t forget. It will be tucked away in their heart, and they will remember when they need it the most.
The next thing you know, they’ll be going off to college, and you’ll wonder where the time went. It was so fast, and now you long for a slammed door, chips mashed into the carpet, and an empty gallon of milk in the fridge, at least until that first weekend trip home from college with ten loads of laundry.
In the meantime, here is a resource which I found helpful as I nagivated through the teen years with my own child. I pray it will bring you as much peace as this did to me.
I honestly can’t imagine being a teenager in this culture, but I need to because we have 5 little ones that will be there soon. I really appreciate what you’ve lovingly expressed in this post.
Hi, Kristi! The culture is hard, but as you prepare them in life, the transition will be much easier because parenting is a job in which you are constantly learning. I have no doubts that when that time comes, you will be prepared. Each child is different, but how you love them will never change.
I love how you ended it with telling them they love them. Isn’t that really what we ALL want to hear?
Hi, Caroline! Yes, that is what we ALL want to hear! We live in a world which doesn’t demonstrate love much and all the more reason to make sure we tell our kids how much we love them. Thanks for sharing!
Speaking as a college student who was very recently in those teenage years, this is great advice about picking your battles. My parents judiciously realized that they couldn’t control every behavior of mine that irked them, but that they should be direct and firm about real problems, and that really increased my respect for them (while also making their lives much less contentious!)
Hi, Neva! Thanks for your sharing your insights! I love that you recognize what your parents were doing and how they made the teen years better for you! I’m sure these are life lessons you will remember for your own children one day. Blessings to you!
This is great advice. I love how you said that they may need you even more than they do when they are a baby. That is true in so many ways. I have a preteen, so this was timely!
Hi, Tara! Thank You for your compliment. I’m speaking from experience here 🙂 When they are younger, our children can be content with talking to Aunts, Uncles, Grandma, etc. However, once those teenage years start they want to talk to you, and it is important to be there for them as they begin to try to understand and make their place in the world. Our faith, influence, and love makes a huge difference.
Thanks so much! You will never know dear friend how much I needed to read this today! We are just entering the high school years and praying that I remember to give my child grace when she is trying my last nerve! Thankful for wonderful Godly influences that God has put in my life! So thankful for you and your friendship! Thanking God especially today for your insight into the teenage years.
Hi, Tamara! I am so glad this helped! Yes, the teenage years can be hard, but you are an amazing mom who does an incredible job of raising a beautiful daughter. You have a strong bond and one she respects. I’m always here if you need to talk. I’m so thankful God has intertwined our lives and the sisterhood we share! Love and miss you!
I’m too young to have a child but I know that when the time comes I’m going to be pouring over these kinds of posts to figure out what kind of a mother I want to be.. thank you for sharing!!
Hi, Sophia! Thanks for stopping by and I’m sure when the time comes you will be a great mom!
I am so withit staying involved in our teens lives, going with gut feeling is our best bet. I was a parent who was present at church organizations for my teens, school programs that involved my children you name it I was there There were many teens that wished their parents were present These childreen of yesterday are now adults and still respect and I respect them as well.
you offered some great advice, good for you
come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com
Hi, Angie! I agree being involved in your teen’s life is the best thing we can do for our teens. If we aren’t participating in their lives, we put them at risk. Respect is the gift which keeps on giving! Thank You for your encouraging words.
Well i do not have kids as yet but i know one day this information would be helpful. Thanks much
Hi, Rocharlle! Information we learn along the way is always good! Thanks for stopping by!
I am so thankful that I experienced a lot and went through a lot of hell on my own. I am thankful because, since then, I have been able to use it to keep my daughter safe. We have always had an open dialogue and talked about how to avoid pitfalls. Now she is 20 and on her way to be a pharmacist. I can only pray that life goes as smoothly for my five-year-old boy. All of the junk that we go through an experience as parents is totally worth it if I kids don’t have to go through it.
Hi, Erin! I agree with you! The things we go through in our lives are sometimes the best advice and life lessons we can teach and give to our teens. Communication is so important and what a wonderful gift you have given to your daughter. It isn’t always easy being the parent, but it is the most rewarding.Blessings to all of you!
Having raised eight teenagers, I would add that we must go after their hearts first. We must make them secure in our affection. I also had a rule which was if they confessed something, I would not punish them. People think they would take advantage of it. This did not prove true to me. It taught them not to be afraid to tell me the truth when they were in trouble.
Hi, Alice! Thanks for sharing your great insight! It is true I always said if you did something wrong I want to hear it from you and you won’t be punished. It was never taken advantage of with me either. Fear does many things especially to teens, and they need to know they are loved unconditionally. Congrats on raising eight teenagers! What a blessing!
How insightful! As a Mom to a brand new teenager, I will definitely take your advice. I’m going to check out that book, as well! Thank you!
Hi, Shannon! Thanks for your kind words! I loved the teenage years, and it was growth for both of us. You will experience many firsts, but enjoy this special time with your teen. It truly does go fast! I’m glad you are checking out the book it was a great focus for me to keep praying for my teenager. Blessings!
A LOT of great advice for parents of teens! I wish my mom coulda seen it when i was a teen all those years ago
Hi, Andrea!
Thanks for your encouragement! Parents of teenage parents need to be encouraged along the way. If we can teach each other, then we have done well!
This is so good! I too feel like my teens need me more now than they ever have! Parenting teens is just as hard (just hard different) as when they were little and depended on me for everything. I love having teens though!!! I’m sharing this post! Thank you!
Hi, Candice!
Thank You so much for sharing! I loved it when my daughter was a teen too. We both learned many things from each other. I agree it is just as hard and sometimes I think harder only because we have more influence when they are little and those teenagers have a mind of their own . 🙂 I appreciate your encouragement!
Great counsel. It is so important to keep the conversation open and laugh alot. They need to see us enjoying them and enjoying life. Thanks for sharing!
Hi, Char!
Thank You for sharing! I agree communication is so important and the ability to laugh at each other in love. I always told my daughter “You have to understand I have never been the mother of a 16-year-old give me the same grace I give you.”
Excellent information Sheila! You are spot on with how much our teens need us. I felt the same way when my son was growing up. He needed me when he was little, but I knew he needed me just as much when he was in his teenage years, just for different reasons.
And to your hair color point. I did the coloring! Other’s thought I was nuts, but it’s something my son still remembers. We had fun with his hair color experiments. It was, indeed, just a faze. But one I look back on with fondness.
God bless you, sweet friend!
Hi, Toni!
I love that you did the coloring! I look back on those years with great fondness too. It was hard work, but so worth the effort to see who are kids have become today! God Bless you too!