This week is a celebration week. It contains my dad’s birthday, my parents’ anniversary and Father’s Day. I have often told my father that this is the week of the year I can honestly say costs me the most. If the truth were told, I think my dad gets ripped off when we celebrate all three in the same week. Seriously, how many cakes can one man eat? Although his preference would be to have a mincemeat pie, I’ve never been able to bring myself to make one. Mom loves cake, however, so Dad makes the compromise. My father got married on his birthday because he never wanted to forget his and Mom’s anniversary. I’d say after 58 years it was a smart thing to do.
I have shared many stories and ‘Dollyisms” about my mom when it was her birthday or Mother’s Day, so I wanted to give a shout-out about my dad. My dad has always been the most hardworking man I know. He can also fix anything. This is a trait I have always admired in him. If my dad didn’t know how to do something, he taught himself. He’s still fixing things today. Although he retired when he was 62 and is now 76, there have not been many days when my dad has taken a day off. Every morning he is up bright and early and does a 5K. Yes, you read that correctly. It isn’t an easy course either. When you live in the hills of upstate New York, not only is there terrain to contend with, but also the unpredictable weather. It doesn’t matter if it snows, sleets, rains or is hot and humid, you will find my dad walking first thing in the morning. I try to walk with my dad when I’m visiting, but I am not a morning walker. Mornings are too bright and too loud for me. Dad is like the early bird that loves to get the worm. I am good with that because I’m not a fan of worms anyway.
I love to spend time with my dad. When we were young, he worked countless hours to provide for our family. It wasn’t always easy, and he would be the first to tell you he wasn’t a perfect dad. The fact is, I wasn’t the perfect daughter either. However, I have always been my daddy’s little girl no matter my age. My dad spanked me one time in my life, which was well deserved. The reason he spanked me was because I was tap dancing and singing on the hood of his new car in my shiny black shoes. Hey, I needed to have a stage and the world needed to hear my song. I don’t remember the event anymore. I’ve only heard the story so many times that I think I remember it.
One of the things I loved to do with my dad growing up was planting our garden. We always had a big garden, and it seemed those dang green beans always came on right before we were leaving for vacation and we’d have to get them snapped and done before we could leave. One year my father’s garden was just beautiful. Everything was up and growing. It was green and lush promising a bountiful harvest. Then a hail storm went through and shredded everything to bits. I cried because I knew how much work my dad had put into his garden and now there was nothing left to show for all of his hard work. It felt like I was on “Little House on the Prairie” and Pa had lost all of his crops. (No, I’m not dramatic… ok, maybe a little) Dad came home and put his arm around me and said, Babe, Babe, “It is what it is.” My dad still says the same thing to this day whenever anything goes wrong. And yes, Babe, Babe is what my father has always called me. It is so endearing to my heart that I will forever be his Babe, Babe.
My dad grew up on a farm with four brothers and my grandmother’s sister because my great-grandmother had passed away with cancer when she was still very young. Dad always shares stories about growing up on the farm with his dad and the many adventures they shared as siblings. One of my favorites is how the brothers would stick their fingers in each other’s dessert and say, “sell it for a dime?”, hoping the other brother would be grossed out and give it away. However, that didn’t happen very much.
A few months ago I asked my dad to tell me more of the story behind his faith. I was shocked to learn something new. When Dad was young, and his grandfather was dying, he went to visit him. There was a Catholic priest there, giving his grandfather his last rites. The priest had asked Dad’s grandmother why she didn’t bring Dad to church. His grandmother replied that she wanted her grandchildren to decide for themselves where they wanted to go to church. The priest looked at my father and told him he was going to hell. At that moment my dad decided that if he was going to hell, he might as well raise a little hell first. The priest’s statement turned my dad off from God and religion for a very long time.
It wasn’t until much later that my dad and God would once again talk. A deadly combination of schizophrenia and drug addiction had left my brother in bad shape, and my parents had been told by the doctor that my brother would most likely never be able to feed, clothe or even wash himself again. It was then my dad told me he began to pray and talk to God. Dad asked God if he was real and cared about him to please bring his son back to him and he would never doubt God again. It took some time, but my brother did come back. My father’s faith continued to grow, and Dad had found a personal relationship with God.
Many times it is life circumstances that change our perspective of who God is and how we relate to Him. Fast forward and my dad is now retired, but God has done a complete overhaul in his heart. Dad could be gruff at times, but now his heart is so tender. I see how he loves my mom and marvel at the trials they have been through, yet their love remains strong. My parents are both cancer survivors who know what it is like to not know the outcome of their future and be left wondering if the treatment will work. I am thankful to say they are both in remission.
My dad is a strong man, but what makes him strong isn’t his physical strength, but his faith. My dad’s faith has grown in leaps and bounds, and his heart’s desire is to finish his race strong. Dad’s gruff demeanor has softened, and his calloused heart from hurtful words spoken to him has healed. He has gone from hunting deer to watching them in the woods and talking to the bunny rabbits in the yard. My dad usually calls me a few times a week to check-in, and we chat about everything that is going on in the world and what is going on with family members. We share insights about God’s word, he tells me about the Bible study he attends and does devotions with my mom every night.My dad would do anything for anybody, but he will tell you he isn’t a mind reader and you have to ask because he doesn’t know how to take a hint.
Dad’s heart is about wanting to please His Father in heaven and live a life that demonstrates God’s love through him. Dad has made peace with his past because God gave him peace in his heart. I love my dad for so many reasons, but none of them mean more to me than to know should God call either of us home we will see each other again.
As we both get older, every moment with Dad becomes more precious. I realize how blessed I am to be able to have had so many memories and new ones to come. On, June 14th I will celebrate my dad’s birthday and their wedding anniversary, but I’m celebrating so much more. I am thanking God for the gift of my father who loves me unconditionally and demonstrates the character of Christ to me every day. It may be my dad’s birthday, but I am the one who received the gift of being his daughter.
Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard says
You are so missing out! Mincemeat pie is my FAVORITE! You can buy the canned filling during the holidays. It’s mostly apples and raisins, cinnamon and allspice. You should make it for him! He sounds like a great man! Last year I flew to visit my dad for his 70th birthday and made his favorite coconut cake with apricot filling.
Sheila Rhodes says
Jen, The one my dad loves has green tomatoes and suet in it. Your pie sounds delicious. My Dad’s not so much 🙂 When my Dad turned 75 we took them on a vacation to Lancaster, Pa to the Sight and Sound Theatre and saw Samson. He loved it! I love surprising my Dad. You are right I should at least try it!
Heather says
What an awesome post to your Dad! I am sure he is so proud of this and all you do! He sounds like an awesome man and I love the tap dancing story haha, I just told my husband that little bit. My mother was deterred from God as a child because she too was told she was going to hell for not going to church, it is sad that adults say things like that to children and see nothing wrong with it. I am glad he has built a relationship with Christ over time though.
Sheila Rhodes says
Hi, Heather! I think about what that priest said to my Dad and cringe! I think of all the what-ifs, and God reminds me that He was with my Dad everyday until my Dad called upon him again. I am thankful for a God who is patient, loving and long waiting!
Andrea says
Beautiful story about your dad – and his devotion to the God of love!
Sheila Rhodes says
Amen to that Andrea! Thank You for your encouragement!
Heather Hart says
My parents got married on my dad’s birthday too, and so did my inlaws. Guys seem to think that’s a good idea. It works though, even if they do end up getting the short end of the stick.
Sheila Rhodes says
Hi, Heather! Just another thing we have in common 🙂 I am thankful for my Dad for sure and he doesn’t mind getting the short end of the stick. 🙂
Toni Ryan says
Sheila,
You write beautifully about both of your parents. You are fortunate to still have them with you and more importantly to have a great relationship with them. I’m so happy for you!
God bless you my friend!
Sheila Rhodes says
Toni,
Thank You for your kind words. I am blessed to have them and I do not take it for granted. I am not looking forward to the day God calls them home because I will miss them so much until I see them again.
Christa sterken says
This was so moving! I really love reading stories about family, especially celebrating a wonderful man like your father clearly is. Thank you!
Sheila Rhodes says
Christa,
Thank You for your commenting! My Dad is a good man that any girl would be thrilled to call him Dad.